I Can Work With A Narcissist

“My boss is a narcissist.”  “He’s so arrogant.” “I can tell her the sky is blue, and she’ll argue it’s RED!” “I can’t get a word in edgewise; he just takes over a conversation – he’ll interrupt anyone.”   

I’m sure you can add to these statements. It might be your boss or a co-worker; the odds are pretty good you will work with a “know-it-all” at some point in your career. And I’m willing to bet two things: You’re miserable, and you’re not sure how to work with that person. 

As we examine leadership traps to avoid moving into 2021, here are a few tips you can use to help your build a healthy working relationship even with the most challenging person. 

1. Control what you can control. You know the personality of the person you’re working with. Don’t go into a meeting expecting your comments to be life-changing—Mange your expectation and possible results. You will experience less frustration and disappointment. 

2. Don’t argue. Again, you’re controlling what you can control – YOU. Phrases like, “Thank you for the suggestion,” or “I appreciate that thought” doesn’t commit you to follow the idea, it merely acknowledges that person’s suggestion. 

3. Write it down. When you’re in a meeting and find it challenging to make your points because of your “Mr. Know-It-All,” have a copy of your facts and bullet points written down for the group. Facts are facts, and a takeaway sheet keeps that information in front of the team long after the room has emptied. 

Okay, there are a few steps to navigate your meetings.  But what characteristics do you need to be a leader? And how do you get there?

Now let’s explore ways to create a better working environment.

1. Listen and empathize. Your “know-it-all” may be insecure. Taking time to listen and empathize builds trust in a relationship. As a trust relationship builds, this person will be more open to listening to you because you listen to him/her. It is essential to respect these trust-building conversations. 

2. Ask Questions. “Help me understand” or “Tell me more” are great tools to keep in the front of your verbal toolbox. They are non-threatening questions that open the door to more in-depth conversations. We want to build a bridge, not widen a gap. 

3. Keep a sense of humor.   I work with a person who quotes famous people but almost always starts the quote with, “And I said . . .” as if it were his original idea.  Sometimes, before I go into my meeting,  I guess how many times I’ll hear that phrase.  It helps keep the meeting a bit lighter. 

4. Help your team. Your frustration isn’t yours alone.  Others will have an issue with the know-it-all just like you do. Don’t sit around and complain or even gossip. Redirect that negative energy into ways to work together. You can help others and improve your office culture by changing a gripe session into a productive process to work.

Here’s the ultimate challenge; build a trust relationship with your know-it-all so that at some point, with genuine sincerity, you can help them understand how their behavior is negatively affecting the team.  This could be a blind spot for them. They might not realize they interrupt others or fail to acknowledge alternative ideas. 

Right now, you might be rolling your eyes and thinking, “You aren’t working with  . . . “ No, I’m not, but are you? At DREAM4, we have a saying, “If you’re not working on it. It’s not getting better.”

We help develop leaders. We help create a culture where business thrives and people flourish. We are a relational company. And your know-it-all needs someone to begin building a relationship with him/her. It won’t change until someone decides to create change. Let us help you build a bridge between where your team is and where you want them to be.